A View of Things You Shouldn't Do

(This poem is based on things guys have actually said to me.  I've posted it before on my Facebook page, but I've reworked a couple of the stanzas to make it stronger and more comical.  I'll be reading this tonight, along with some other works, at the Thistle Coffee House, located on 4445 Second Ave. in Detroit, at 7:00 pm.  Hope to see you there....)

(I've posted from Cory Thomas' strip, "Watch Your Head" before.

I'll continue to do so, because he's always on point.)

Don't tell her you're a God fearing man,

and how you’d love to see her
come...


to your church, talking about
how saved you are, and
how you want to help her seek some
sweet salvation
while keeping your eyes
locked on her cleavage.

Don’t sit in a bar and,

after telling her how much she
reminds you of your beloved
daughter off in college,
lock your eyes with hers,
intense and hard, like you’re about to
touch gloves and come out swinging, and
ask her to be your mistress:
“We can get together,
then you go your way and I’ll go mine…
it can be just like ‘Me & Mrs. Jones’….”
Then sit back in your chair,
sip your scotch and soda, and
smile like you’ve just laid down the
mackest of mack daddy vibes.

Don't look at a Cialis ad and,
upon hearing the "four hour" warning,
turn to her and say,
"I bet you'd have liked it if I could’ve
just maintained for four minutes,"
then laugh without irony at your
disturbing self deprecation.

Don't stand her up on what should’ve been
your first date,
no call, no show for days,
then call her in the middle of the night,
talking about how you needed time to
get your head screwed on right, and
now you'd love for her to help you
get your head screwed on right…
“So, um, can I come over….”

Don't do any of these things.

This behavior sucks to her,
and ensures she never will for you.

(c) 2011 - Tracey Morris, All Rights Reserved